Well, if it's parody it's been going on since 2005!  One can only wonder how Cruel missed this one.

There's just SO much here....

"Well, you all know that I am an ardent supporter of whippings and corporal punishment for disobedient children - both in the home and in the school! However, there are times when whippings just aren't good enough! For the truly troubled children, we need to be more innovative in our punishment techniques. It is ridiculous to think that corporal punishment of troubled children should be restricted to only lashings and cannings with hickory switches and sticks! - Even if that includes belts and whips!!! No no no!!! We must be far more comprehensive. The definition of corporal punishment is not just whippings, lashings, spanking, and cannings. Corporal Punishment, broadly defined, means any type of punishment that is meant to inflict physical pain. Therefore, we must get beyond whippings and such and consider other ways of inflicting pain on troubled children, so that the devil may be forced from them and they may be saved from eternal hellfire!



A particular punishment that I have thought up recently is more harsh than mere whippings or cannings, and therefore, it could be used for the most disobedient children and the ones who are truly troubled. It is called the punishment chair. Do you know about the electric chair? It was used for putting criminals to death! Well the punishment chair is similar to the electric chair. The key difference is that it may be built to smaller sizes so that it can accompany children, and the operating voltage is significantly lower so that it will not kill. However, it will inflict a great deal of pain! A standard sized electric chair can also be used as a punishment chair. However, the voltage must be kept low enough such that it won't result in death - only intense pain. As for the sizing - If a standard size electric chair is used, then books, bricks, pieces of wood, or a booster seat should be placed on the seat of the chair so that the child is seated high enough for his head to be placed in the Helment that is lined with a wet sponge, so that the electric current can be conducted through his body. As for the strength of the current, the current passing through the body must not be high enough to cause death, but it should cause intense pain. That is the reason the operating voltage must be kept sufficiently low, so that the electric current passing through the child's body is not too strong. As for the duration of the punishment - It must be long enough such that that the child learns his lesson! If the punishment results in unconsciousness before the child learns his lesson than the child must be woken up, and the punishment must continue! If the punishment results in blood seeping from the eyes, than so be it! If this occurs, then the punishment must be discontinued until the child recovers from the injury, and then the punishment must be continued until the child learns his lesson. How do you know when the child learns his lesson? That is when the child recants his misdeeds and acknowledges his sinful nature, and pledges to commit himself to the Lord, Jesus, and promises to become a good child from that day forward! That is the way that we can deal with truly troubled children! This may seem somewhat harsh to many of you. Well, I contend that, for some children, it is impossible to simply spank or even beat the devil out them. For some children we must inflict true excruciating pain to force the devil from them. I acknowledge that hopefully this applies to only a small segment of our youth. However it must be considered as a final solution for those children who are truly troubled and influenced by the devil!!

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I was also reminded, seeing the picture, that most women of today are superficial whores. They love to expose their skin and whore-ify themselves with makeup to attract men; and when they see one another they get jealous and envious. That is why it is imperative we design some type of uniform for women to wear when they go out in public. It should be much like a burka, something that makes the woman look pure and wholesome, something white and virginal. No skin should be exposed and curves should be hidden. And since all women will look alike, there will be reason for them to envy or hate one another. The world will be a more peaceful, wholesome place. Without temptation being flaunted about, we will be able to focus our energy giving glory to God and doing right by Him."

Last edited by whosasailorthen (2008-01-21 23:04:27)

One of the authors, a 'Dr.' JD Parnell, describes himself thus:

I was born again in Christ when I was seven years old, during one of my mandatory bible lessons. I was recieving several repeated whippings for questioning my teachings. After that ordeal was over, and the blood was mopped up, I new I was saved. I learned never to question righteous Christian authority again.

He's also from Sugar Land, TX. What a coincidence. The town recently made the news for an entirely different reason: Photoshop Your Way to a Thin, Republican Candidacy.

When we are in bed with our wives, girlfriends, and/or whores, He is there, watching with approval or disapproval, depending on the righteousness of our lust.

kind of excites me and gives me the creeps at the same time - do you think he's touching himself while he watches??