The latest revelation to shock the world after the assassination, I mean capture, no that's not right, what about murder, no way off, liberation? yes liberation of Osama Bin Laden by Navy Seals is that he 'kept porn.'

One Seal reported that after the liberation to the head of the Madman of Abbattobad, he heard a strange 'moaning' sound coming from a corner of the compound, next to the burning area. There, in a small pen, he found porn freely mixing with other livestock including a goat and some chickens.

'The porn had taken a liking to the goat and was being real friendly, if you get my drift? I found it an abomination on God's laws so after I took some video for my own use, I threw cold water on the two of them and dragged the porn away.'

The porn was not in a bad condition, we are told. True the harsh Himalayan conditions had caused significant fading in certain key areas but it is hoped these can be restored.

'We in America lead the way in technology and porn,' a spokesman declared at a press conference in Abbottbad, perhaps a little too loudly for the locals. 'We are confident we can restore this porn to its former glory.'

When asked which parts of the porn had suffered the most damage, reporters were told, 'mostly the tits and y'know, down there.' At which point the General rubbed his genital area and shimmied like a half-decent lap-dancer in a club in Pittsburgh on a wet Wednesday night.

Contrary to popular belief Islamic law does not forbid the keeping of porn, but does strictly regulate how you keep it, how much, and how it is consumed. There is nothing to suggest that Bin Laden broke any of these rules although experts are looking into the particulars of the proximity of porn to goats.

'We kinda gotta feelin' that shit is ill.' Someone or other said at some point.

When asked if the porn would ever be released for general viewing, the Pentagon herself came down of her high horse saying, 'Not likely in any of our lifetimes.'

There was audible disappointment in the press room and so she added. 'You wouldn't want to see it. It's pretty soft stuff with poor production and rather cliched positioning.'

'Don't worry,' she concluded. 'Osama Bin Laden's porn is in safe hands.'

The general tittering which ensued is not thought to be the fourth estate's finest hour.

Last edited by fnord (2011-05-16 17:54:16)