#1 2008-03-19 04:57:03
My work schedule the past few months has left me looking for things to do late at night. While everyone else is getting ready to turn in for the evening, I'm just getting home and still have several hours to go before I'm sleepy enough to hit the sack. Hell, even my fuck buddies are asleep by this point. I've been dealing with that little problem by downloading movies from Netflix. Not just any movies, of course, but certifiably bad movies. Movies so bad they not only went straight to video, but they were intended for video.
Tonight's special showing? "Devil's Den" starring Kelly Hu, whom I suspect straight guys jerk off to when they're home alone, late at night, after work.
Plot elements: Lap dancing man-eating ghouls, tits galore, a samurai, girl fights, gore o'plenty.
Story: Ghouls disguised as bodacious babes have taken over a strip club somewhere in the American Southwest. Luring unsuspecting men looking for a handjob and drink, they feast on their patrons until a secret government agent (Kelly Hu) follows one customer inside. Little does she know one of the patrons is actually there in an attempt to destroy the queen of the ghouls.
Rating: Three out of five rcades. 
Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs
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#2 2008-03-19 07:48:41
Zombie strippers.
Taint, you realize that this thread is going to die? You've killed it in the very act of creating it.
Because how is any subsequent post going to top zombie strippers...?
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#3 2008-03-19 11:29:24
George Orr wrote:
Taint wrote:
Rating: Three out of five rcades.
Taint, you realize that this thread is going to die? You've killed it in the very act of creating it.
Not so fast, George. That rating system has real blackmail possibilities!
Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs
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#4 2008-03-19 13:16:17
A long time ago, feisty asked the Cruelers for suggestions for "cruel movies." I instantly flashed on this thing, which I saw years ago.
It is absolutely and indescribably and mesmerizingly awful.
I invite any and all into a competition to present us with a movie more absolutely, indescribably and mesmerizingly awful than the current entries of predatory zombie strippers and Rutger Hauer repeatedly raping Jennifer Jason Leigh (in medieval drag).
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#5 2008-03-19 16:01:58
George Orr wrote:
A long time ago, feisty asked the Cruelers for suggestions for "cruel movies." I instantly flashed on this thing, which I saw years ago.
http://www.dvdloc8.com/images/dvdcover/15750.jpg
It is absolutely and indescribably and mesmerizingly awful.
I invite any and all into a competition to present us with a movie more absolutely, indescribably and mesmerizingly awful than the current entries of predatory zombie strippers and Rutger Hauer repeatedly raping Jennifer Jason Leigh (in medieval drag).
Hey.... I liked that film, especially the plague victims being catapulted over the walls! I give it 3 outa 10!
D
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#6 2008-03-19 19:52:51
Dmtdust wrote:
Hey.... I liked that film, especially the plague victims being catapulted over the walls!
I kinda liked the opening scene, in which a trollop gives birth to a dead baby in the mud...
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#7 2008-03-20 00:26:38
The Killers was banned when Reagan became Governor. There's a great scene where he slaps the shit outta Angie Dickenson....
Never even heard of this one..."The Liquidator" 
and one for Sofie...
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#8 2008-03-20 00:58:30
La Droga Infernale
hahahaha
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#9 2008-03-20 02:06:32
If anyone ever needed a hit, it was ol' Marion.
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#10 2008-03-20 04:54:48
If you're too lazy to come up with your own wisecracks during movies, the MST crew is at it again.
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#11 2008-03-22 13:53:44
"The Majorettes"
Plot elements: Teenage girls, tits, a creepy janitor, an evil German nurse, a lonely rich girl, cute high school quarterback, religious fanatics, trailer trash, poorly orchestrated fight scenes, explosions, semi-automatic weapons.
Story: A killer is bumping off the majorettes of a high-school pep squad one by one. The plot splinters into about a dozen subplots which are barely tied up at the end. Bad acting, a cheesy 80s electronica soundtrack, and big 80s hairdos for days.
Fun fact: This turkey was directed by S. William Hinzman who had a role in George Romero's "Night of the Living Dead".
Rating: 
Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs
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#12 2008-03-22 13:57:59
It's not worth watching the movie because it's bad in all the wrong ways, but when I was in High School I remember seeing "The Lift", a real stinker only worth mentioning because it's a story about an evil elevator that kills people, and the tagline was "Take the stairs, take the stairs, for God's sake take the stairs!" I think it was either Dutch or German dubbed in English.
Edit: Found it.
Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs
Last edited by tojo2000 (2008-03-22 14:03:58)
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#13 2008-03-22 14:00:12
How about this?
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#14 2008-03-22 14:01:20
tojo2000 wrote:
It's not worth watching the movie because it's bad in all the wrong ways, but when I was in High School I remember seeing "The Lift", a real stinker only worth mentioning because it's a story about an evil elevator that kills people, and the tagline was "Take the stairs, take the stairs, for God's sake take the stairs!" I think it was either Dutch or German dubbed in English.
Oh, good god. I saw that just a couple of weeks ago. It was Dutch which didn't help. Bad, bad, bad. I did like the fact the army was called in to deal with the problem, however. It restored my faith in America.
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#15 2008-03-22 14:03:59
tojo2000 wrote:
It's not worth watching the movie because it's bad in all the wrong ways, but when I was in High School I remember seeing "The Lift", a real stinker only worth mentioning because it's a story about an evil elevator that kills people, and the tagline was "Take the stairs, take the stairs, for God's sake take the stairs!" I think it was either Dutch or German dubbed in English.
Hmmm, The Lift...maybe this Lift is more to your tastes
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#16 2008-03-22 14:06:08
Impressive strength. Lately my event has been the clean and jerk, though.
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#17 2008-03-22 14:08:30
tojo2000 wrote:
Impressive strength. Lately my event has been the clean and jerk, though.
Shouldn't that be "jerk and clean"?
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#18 2008-03-22 14:09:28
tojo wrote:
Impressive strength. Lately my event has been the clean and jerk, though.
Well, be careful and always have a spotter...
Last edited by Lurker (2008-03-22 14:10:27)
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#19 2008-03-22 14:22:28
one for Fnord...
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#20 2008-03-22 15:42:27
I had forgotten about this one.
I never actually saw this one, but...Scarlett Johannsen/Josh Hartnett/Hilary Swank? Can anybody here tell me if I'm wrong about this being a stinker?
Now, this one is a bona-fide classic. Liz Taylor won her Oscar for this movie:
Much like Flesh + Blood, it has to be seen to be believed.
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#22 2008-03-22 16:03:38
Lurker wrote:
...I couldn't believe she won an Oscar for it...
To me that's always been sort of like the punchline.
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#23 2008-03-22 16:22:13
George Orr wrote:
I had forgotten about this one.
That show used to taunt me as a kid. Every time the words "The Avengers IN COLOR" showed I'd curse our black and white TV set.
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#24 2008-03-22 16:32:04
George Orr wrote:
Lurker wrote:
...I couldn't believe she won an Oscar for it...
To me that's always been sort of like the punchline.
Doesn't she die in the end?
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#25 2008-03-22 16:32:55
I think Diana Rigg as Emma Peel may have subliminally feminized my generation of American females. She was the coolest gearest moddest greatest girl I had ever seen.
You can catch the old show on BBCAmerica. Missus Peel kicks the shit out of men. Very groovily and while wearing leather (and usually one at a time, of course).
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#26 2008-03-22 16:51:46
Apart from Fight Club, there's alway Ichi the Killer
More violence in 90 minutes has not been surpassed.
Felch
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#27 2008-03-22 21:32:23
George Orr wrote:
I think Diana Rigg as Emma Peel may have subliminally feminized my generation of American females. She was the coolest gearest moddest greatest girl I had ever seen.
You can catch the old show on BBCAmerica. Missus Peel kicks the shit out of men. Very groovily and while wearing leather (and usually one at a time, of course).
Oh, yes, please. I was in love with Dianna Rigg, and probably still am. She can beat me up any time she likes, thankyouverymuch.
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#28 2008-03-22 23:02:32
Lurker wrote:
Doesn't she die in the end?
I can't remember, but I don't think so--probably just wishful thinking.
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#29 2008-03-22 23:10:45
George Orr wrote:
Lurker wrote:
Doesn't she die in the end?
I can't remember, but I don't think so--probably just wishful thinking.
I recall she was being chased down the turnpike driving a little red sports car. She drove it off a pile of dirt at a highway construction site....
You can bet I won't watch it again to find out....
Last edited by Lurker (2008-03-22 23:11:47)
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#30 2008-03-31 21:03:52
felch wrote:
Apart from Fight Club, there's alway Ichi the Killer
More violence in 90 minutes has not been surpassed.
Felch
Ichi the Killer... I got that movie thanks to a suggestion from the aforementioned thread. Yep... you gotta love the Japs... they have NO taboos. Except pubic hair, of course.
But if you want to see a GOOD gory move.... Definitely Audition. One of my all time favs.
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#31 2008-03-31 21:12:53
Here's one....
Truck Stop Women (1974), starring Claudia Jennings. The imdb one-line plot synopsis: "A mother and daughter who run a brothel for truckers fight back when the Mafia tries to take over their operation." Today, it would be a reality series. In its third season.
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#32 2008-03-31 21:44:59
Lurker wrote:
Here's one....
Truck Stop Women (1974), starring Claudia Jennings. The imdb one-line plot synopsis: "A mother and daughter who run a brothel for truckers fight back when the Mafia tries to take over their operation." Today, it would be a reality series. In its third season.
A heartwarming story of family love and commitment...
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#33 2008-03-31 22:59:58
Taint wrote:
Lurker wrote:
Here's one....
Truck Stop Women (1974), starring Claudia Jennings. The imdb one-line plot synopsis: "A mother and daughter who run a brothel for truckers fight back when the Mafia tries to take over their operation." Today, it would be a reality series. In its third season.
A heartwarming story of family love and commitment...
I bet it's a big hit with the dykes.....
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#34 2008-04-01 07:16:32
Hey Choad, how about this being a sticky thread, there's plenty of fuel for it....that is if Taint wants to MC it....
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#35 2008-04-01 07:26:31
"A medical school dropout loses his fiancée in a tragic lawnmower incident, and decides to bring her back. Unfortunately, he was only able to save her head, so he goes to the red light district in the city and lures prostitutes into a hotel room so he can get parts for his girlfriend." [IMDB]
I first learned of this movie by seeing its preview on my rented VHS copy of A Boy and His Dog. Turns out, it's actually a pretty entertaining movie. The effects are low-budget but fairly good, the acting isn't god-awful, and the whole thing generally has a pretty good sense of humor.
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#36 2008-04-01 08:22:59
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#37 2008-04-01 09:44:46
Saw this little gem on a bus in Spain. I think that made it better:
And who could forget this little gem:
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#38 2008-04-01 12:48:01
I think Chopping Mall was the kind of movie that is "in on the joke," as John Waters once observed.
Whereas To Wong Foo was just an embarrassment to everyone involved. Patrick Swayze was trying SO HARD.
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#39 2008-04-01 13:00:21
"To Wong Foo" was bad, but I remember discussing the difference between "Priscilla: Queen of the Desert" and "To Wong Foo" with a drag queen back in Anchorage. He loved "To Wong Foo" but was less impressed with "Priscilla", a movie I still find funny as hell.
From what I remember, he seemed to like the idea of drag queens sweeping into town and saving the day whereas Priscilla probably dealt a little too much with reality, a concept with which many drag queens have a very tenuous grasp.
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#40 2008-04-01 13:22:26
I haven't seen Priscilla in years but, as I recall, nearly every line was a snap of some kind...just hysterical. Not to mention that the three leads were all fantastic. (Terence Stamp was nominated for an Oscar!)
By contrast, the only good thing about Wong Foo was Leguizamo, who seems to be able to do fucking anything.
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#41 2008-04-01 17:57:54
George Orr wrote:
I haven't seen Priscilla in years but, as I recall, nearly every line was a snap of some kind...just hysterical. Not to mention that the three leads were all fantastic. (Terence Stamp was nominated for an Oscar!)
I also haven't seen Priscilla in years, but I also recall it being very good.
Think I'll bittorrent it and see if it's held up with time.
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#42 2008-04-01 21:53:28
Since the topic seems to be Drag...
The worst ever Liz Taylor film... BOOM!
That head-dress is on fire! I wish...
John Waters informed us that this was the movie that he shows to friends of his as his "litmus" test, if they don't enjoy it, he claims to never speak to them again! I'm inclined to agree.
If you're a fan of camp, SEE THIS FILM! If you're a fan of Elizabeth Taylor, SEE THIS FILM! If you're a fan of Joanna Shimkus, well I don't know what to say then, except congratulations! You're the first one! (although, she is great in this movie)
What more can you say about a film that has Elizabeth Taylor decked out in Kabuki-Vegas drag holding an intimate bitchy dinner party with an aged and drunken Noel Coward (in a role written for a woman, and first offered to Katharine Hepburn!) To watch Miss Taylor in action, is to behold a true screen legend fully embrace her diva acting self. She lets rip with such abandon and power, she manages to wipe everybody else off the screen, including HERSELF!
While Richard Burton, Noel Coward, Joanna Shimkus, and Michael Dunn (of Ship of Fools and Wild Wild West[tv version, please!] fame) manage to deliver the goods in this Tennessee Williams free for all, it is the incredible Miss Taylor who grounds this late 60's arthouse flop, and manages to transcend it's failing qualities, to make it a screen orgy of bad taste and over the top drama!
Try and keep a straight face during Miss Taylor's prolonged coughing fit on the balcony! I thought I was going to be sick just watching her hack up her lungs. Watch Richard Burton somnambulistically maneuver his way through a role played on stage by Tab Hunter! (I can't help but think, that this film might have actually been pulled off as a straight drama with the original casting of Simone Signoret and Sean Connery!)
We lovers of camp and all things over the top should revel in this failed artistic masterpiece!
Last edited by Lurker (2008-04-01 21:54:16)
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#43 2008-04-02 16:17:57
"The Beast Within," based on the novel by Edward Levy (and, perhaps in a misplaced homage to H. P. Lovecraft, took a few character names from "The Case of Charles Dexter Ward"), is terribly, terribly bad. However, it features much cannibalism, two fairly damp monster rape scenes, many unproductive arguments, and a winsome teen getting away with cannibalism and rape/being eaten & raped. Also, this movie sums up puberty pretty well.
This was my first drive-in movie, where my date nearly broke my cadenhead...
Last edited by tits_matilda (2008-04-02 23:55:22)
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#44 2008-04-02 18:28:52
Being accompanied by a "date" to a Russ Myer double feature at the drive-in usually had a happy ending.
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#45 2008-04-02 20:14:18
jesusluvspegging wrote:
"A medical school dropout loses his fiancée in a tragic lawnmower incident, and decides to bring her back. Unfortunately, he was only able to save her head, so he goes to the red light district in the city and lures prostitutes into a hotel room so he can get parts for his girlfriend." [IMDB]
I first learned of this movie by seeing its preview on my rented VHS copy of A Boy and His Dog. Turns out, it's actually a pretty entertaining movie. The effects are low-budget but fairly good, the acting isn't god-awful, and the whole thing generally has a pretty good sense of humor.
Isn't Jeffrey Combs contractually obligated to appear in every one of these type movies?
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#46 2008-04-02 21:24:36
Lurker wrote:
The worst ever Liz Taylor film... BOOM!
A Taylor/Burton film I have never heard of--written by Tennessee Williams?!
Is it as bad as Baby Doll?
Ay yi yi.
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#47 2008-04-02 21:38:22
George Orr wrote:
Lurker wrote:
The worst ever Liz Taylor film... BOOM!
A Taylor/Burton film I have never heard of--written by Tennessee Williams?!
Is it as bad as Baby Doll?
http://www.filmsite.org/posters/baby.jpg
Ay yi yi.
Actually, except for that butt-fugly Karl Malden, I thought Baby Doll was just over the edge enough to watch, but then, I'm a sucker for Southern trash "literature" For some weird reason, I've always been attracted to Eli Wallach...maybe it was from "The Good, The Bad and The ...uh, nevermind....
And yes, Boom is fucking AWFUL. It's one of those films trying to be uber-hip and missing completely. I found myself wishing Liz would fucking die already... Noel Coward is exceptionally bad.
Last edited by Lurker (2008-04-02 21:38:49)
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#48 2008-04-02 21:41:29
CHOAD, MAKE THIS A STICKY CINEMA THREAD ALREADY!!!!!
uh, PLEASE?
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#49 2008-04-02 22:15:38
Lurker wrote:
...I thought Baby Doll was just over the edge enough to watch...
To each his own and all like 'at; but I just can't go there with ya.
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is about as trashy as I wanna get...I know a lot of people think it's Great Art and so on, but to me it's fulsome trash (but fun trash).
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#50 2008-04-03 00:33:54
George Orr wrote:
Lurker wrote:
...I thought Baby Doll was just over the edge enough to watch...
To each his own and all like 'at; but I just can't go there with ya.
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is about as trashy as I wanna get...I know a lot of people think it's Great Art and so on, but to me it's fulsome trash (but fun trash).
I forget who she is, but, the one that plays the mother of the "no-neck monsters" is just soooo delightful to watch, white trash don't git better then that....'cept for Susan Tyrell....
edit.... Karen Black, too....
Last edited by Lurker (2008-04-03 00:36:12)
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