My first thought was, isn't Alex Salmond quaint? Now he has won the Scottish election, within the next five years he will ask the Scots, our fellow Brits, to vote to become not our fellow Brits. Nationalism, it has an old-fashioned ring to it. Last I looked nations meant little to nothing on the global stage. And not being rude, but what precisely will Scotland mean? At the moment they mean hating the English. Once they are rid of us, like us, they will have to turn to hating themselves.

Who wants to be a nation anymore anyway? What a tedious thing it is to be a citizen of somewhere. Are we not now all virtual citizens of an electronic world? In some ways the only benefit left to us in our collapsed economies is that we don't have to care anymore about being a nation. And then suddenly Scotland wants to become one. Wouldn't it be better if it became an economy first, or sunny.

And after Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and then what will we all be? It reminds me of those old black and white films with princes of made-up mittel European countries such as Freedonia. And then I began to think Alex was kind of lovely in his tweed plus-fours, monocale and deerstalker. I mean it would be rather lovely to start all over again wouldn't it.?

They could have a new uniform for the army. They'll have an army I suppose. Who knows they might even invade us one day. It would be very convenient to be at war with a neighbour for a change instead instead of sending our lads thousands of miles away without the proper kit. Cheaper too and all in all good for morale. They could even have a new name. Congo did it, why not something lyrical in Gaelic.

They might even rebrand themselves as Scandinavian. That would really work for them. Those lot up and over there to the east are way cooler than being British and as far as I am aware they do have the trees sufficient for a major investment in flat pack. They could get themselves a decent social fabric, learn new hobbies, learn to speak English without an accent.

Which reminds me or rather them, if they are to get Independence I think we should leave them a parting gift of bitterness and insist they all learn their national language.

Finally I realised Salmond is a visionary genius. Scotland already has great schools, and they won't have university fees or at least not like we do. They could charge a bit less for petrol, what do they care, knock a bit of booze and bring in a lower VAT and hey bingo Scotland will be the next destination for Brits tired of schlepping abroad for all and sundry. More than this they could insist say, for universities, that you need to live say within 100 miles of the border.

Before you know it the whole north south divide would be reversed as desperate middle-class losers like myself rush north to take advantage of cheap housing, real accents and of course, deliciously affordable University education for their loved ones.

The property prices in Northumbria will sky-rocket and London become a dead, empty place populated only by the tasteless rich, those in finance and people working in IT. No change there then.

Come to Rainy Gaelicia, the posters will read, And give your children a future.

Of course there will be one more reason which Scotland will suddenly subject to mass English immigration, angry queues forming, make-shift camps rising up all but indistinguishable than the sink estates of Sunderland.

If Salmond has his way then with Scotland will also go Labour's heartland and support. England will finally succumb to its dirty political secret. We are mainly Tories. A hundred years or more of Tory rule beckons if the Scots vote yes, even if we all know they will vote no.

I know it rains a lot up there but some things are worth making the sacrifice for. Pass me a Macintosh, next stop Scotsonia Land.

Last edited by fnord (2011-05-10 14:45:12)