The revelation that follows on from the crishing defeat of the yes vote in this week's referendum for electoral reform is quite simple.  It is not, as some have written, that we wanted to punish Nick Clegg.  Don't get me wrong, we do, we really do.  But that on a more basic level we don't want to share.

While it is true that in First Past the Post most votes are wasted, in Alternative Vote our single vote will be shared amongst candidates in a most sordid fashion.  We are, after all, not a promiscuous race of people.  We are British.  We are loyal, even to the point of idiocy.  And then, in a second, we are totally disloyal.  Either way we like our politics clean, or as clean as can be.  Which isn't anymore very.

Do you remember the scandal over those two politicians 'sharing a room' at a conference so 'save money'?  It's a bit like that.  Sharing suggests mutual intercourse of some fashion and when it comes to voting we are a monogamous bunch.

I think the whole situation is summarised in the conflict between two old friends of mine at university.  Let's call them Ken and Phil, for those were their names.  Ken was the sort of person who hates to share what he has.  His position was basically Tory although like many Tories he was a life-long labour man. 

Ken hated to share anything.  When his NME cam through every week at Sixth Form College his hippy friend Chad would ask to look at it while Ken had lectures.
'No Chad, I haven't read it all yet.'
'What difference does it make Ken, you can't read it.  Let me have a look.'
'No Chad.  If you want to read the NME why don't you buy one. Hippy.'
'Ken you are such a fascist' (Well this was 1987).

At the end of the day when Ken had read the whole thing, classifieds and all, rather than then give the crumpled remains to Chad he would bin it in a secret location.  He didn't even want to share the dregs with the Chads of this world.

At university Ken might leave a substantial piece of food on his plate in the Rec.  He was already victim of a random dispepsia that perfectly suited him for his future career as a labour relations lawayer.  These left overs might take the form of half a baked potato or perhaps a whole falafel.  On magical frosty November mornings, a whole sausage.

Phil, our new Chad, (in other words middleclass spoilt boy pretending to be a hippy drop out) would often simply reach over the take what was left.  He would also take your mars bar, bite it and return it.  Or snatch a big swig of your coffee when you had to put it down to turn the page of the latest edition of Socialist Worker magazine which we always in plentiful supply because Ken, as a member, had to 'sell' twenty a week. 

His not having what one might call a winning personality or indeed a go-getting revolutionary attitude, but a way with pleading which consisted of a total lack of pride amongst his friends, meant we always had a copy each knocking about.  Otherwise he would be kicked out of the party, fall intom one of his customary melancholic sulks, and end up sleeping on our couch for a week.

Magazines which we did no read.  Magazines which we did leaf through to look for ways of ridiculing Ken.

If, however, Phil tried this trick on Ken, Ken's solution was simple.  He would stub his fag out on the drying potato carcass and just carry on reading his NME.  And if Phil's fleet fist was not quite fleet enough, he would stub it out on Phil's hand.
'Crypto-Fascist' (Well this was 1989).

This week, my friends, we did a Ken on the liberal Phils and Chads of this world.  This Nicks too.  Bed sharers and coffee snatchers all.

They wanted to share and rather than let that happen, we stubbed our national fags out on their pototoes.

This land is my land and this vote is my vote.  Oi, democrats, hands off! 

I would rather cast my vote to the winds and usher in another century of Tory hegemony than share it with you and instead bring about an eternity of sensible, left-leaning governments who dislike bankers, care about the poor and realise thay immigrants are really hard-working wonderful people just looking for a better life for themselves and their beautiful children.

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Last edited by fnord (2011-05-10 14:41:43)